Misunderstood

I feel as though most of the time, all of us, are misunderstood. There's nothing more frustrating to me than to feel voiceless. I'm writing this blog as a self-therapy, at least here, I can express myself. I'm not perfect by any means, but I try to live a happy and peaceful life. Just like anyone else, I have my own dreams, interests, and likings. I'm currently in a wonderful relationship with a wonderful person, but often times, I feel that I have to silence or dim myself to keep up. I know that compromise is engrained into the very nature of a relationship and most times I am happy to do so, but sometimes, I just wish I could be me. I know that my perspective is scewed, and there is always another side to the same coin, but I know that I often do things for him that I simply do out of love for his passion and interests. He is a wonderful person and does many great things for me too, but sometimes I just wish he could understand that yeah, a girl needs more. He's so considerate of others and happy to go the extra mile, but when it comes to me, it seems I should be content with just getting to come along for the ride. Sometimes his sense of egoism becomes selfish, and if I dare address it, he either flat out ignores me or twists the situation to make me seem like "the bad guy" or that I'm trying to start a conflict. I love him more than he could ever know, and although my nature as a strong woman does sometimes make me difficult, I am never intentionally brewing trouble. When my feelings get hurt I want someone to comfort me, I want someone to attempt to understand my point of view, hear me out, see where we could come to a middle ground. I am a hopeless romantic at heart, I always dream of living out a Hollywood fairytale. My dreamy disposition obviously sets me up for disappointment, I know that. But I don't think it's too much to ask that once in a while, something can be done or said just purely for me. I'll give you an example. I am a history nerd. I absolutely love the past and what we can learn from it. He on the otherhand, is Mr. Technology and interested in the upcoming future. We often clash on what we should value as humanity, and that's fine. However, I am willing to learn and appreciate things related to his interests in technology. He is mostly unwilling to do the same for me and history. I've stopped trying for the most part, hoping one day in the right crowd he might see the importance of the past, but until then, I continue to enjoy studying history. We just recently moved to Hawaii and I am fascinated in learning the local history and culture. I wanted to take a trip down to see "The City of Refuge," a place where ancient Hawaiians could seek asylum if pursued for persecution and punishment. It's part of the state parks here, and a place where many people find interesting, especially since very little remains of ancient Hawaiian history. He made it clear that this is not something that would interest him. I felt discouraged and hurt. I thought this was something we could both possibly enjoy, especially since he too seems rather interested in the Hawaiian way of life. To me it seems that he is willing to do these types of things for other people, but when it comes to me, it's just an annoyance. It's not like I asked him to go shopping or go see a chick-flick. I started to tear-up, but I hate showing that kind of emotional weakness because most people see it as a form of "copping out" when a girl cries. I told him I couldn't believe how selfish he was being, that I would lower my expectations for him. Not long after this, the conversation became heated and he decided to walk out. I told him that I only had a few hours before work and did he not want to spend them with me, to which he replied, no. It doesn't matter how angry I get, I always want to be near him, and I always want to find a resolution after cooling down from whatever emotion I experience. I wish he could feel the same. I wish he would want to find things that would make me happy, like going on a history outing. I frequently do things with him that I am maybe not particularly interested in, but nonetheless am happy to do with him. I dream of a day that he would "surprise" me with such an outing, or anything that might be done "just for me." The reason I feel "misunderstood" is because he won't try to see that I am not trying to start a conflict, I just want someone to understand why I feel the way I do without making me feel worse. I want someone to want to talk through things and not just get angry, storm out, and not ever talk about it. I feel powerless, hopeless, and alone. I'm the only one that knows how I feel and I wish that were different. Thanks for listening.