When I refer to myself as an "All-American" girl, it is because it's actually true. What it means to be "American" is so diverse, you have to try not to qualify! As you know more of me, you will soon learn that 1) Things are never as they appear, 2) We're all so different, it's predictable, and 3) Like it or not, we are what we are. That's not to say we are always branded to fit a mold, but it does say that without concious efforts on our behalf to change, it surely won't happen on it's own. That's why you always hear, "you live, and you learn."
Okay, so, I am a graduate student at a university in Texas, finishing my Masters in International Relations this summer. I am in my early 20's, a first generation college graduate, and have no idea what I want to do with my life once I finish school. (Sounding similar already?) I come from a very unorthodox family, I am the only daughter of an immigrant (legal-I might add) and a "good ole' boy", hard-working, blue collar father from Arkansas. I was raised bilingually in a strict Catholic home, surrounded by a predominantly Southern Baptist community in our small, small town in Texas. I have 2 brothers, one that is nearly 14 years my senior from my mother's previous marriage, and a slightly younger brother. Yes, I was the "middle child" in more ways than just literally. From an early age, I was described as a rebel. I constantly questioned authority and got myself into trouble all the time. Part of this was teen angst, while some of it was hopes of landing desperatly sought attention from my parents, I think us middle-children always get the short end of the deal when it comes to most things. I thought bad attention was better than no attention. As a child, I was considered bright, I made friends easily, but more importantly, I loved to escape myself in the stories and adventures that books provided, literally an escape from my life. (I even broke a school record for the most reading points) My mother is an immigrant from Central America, and though she claims to have left to come to a life with more personal freedoms, I felt like a slave to her old-world customs and norms expected of a "young lady." My dad, bless his heart, was constantly working long hours to support the family, and as a result, we never really developed much of a relationship growing up, though I'll always consider myself a "daddy's girl." I constantly felt torn between my reality of living like a prisoner, slaved to these tyrannical rules my mother imposed on me, and the dream of just being a free spirited, American youth. Though I appreciate the cultural experiences my mother provided, in fact, they are priceless, growing up I certainly did not feel that way. From a very, very young age I developed a passion and love for animals. Now that I am able to analyze human psychology, I know I must have been drawn to the innocence and unconditional love that animals provide. I was never allowed to have anything typical like a dog or cat, but because my parents justified having chickens as pest-control (not to mention the Feed store was across the street from my middle-school, where I would save my lunch money to buy chicks, get on the bus, go home and force my parents to let me keep them, lol) I raised chickens and loved them very much, I still do. I am thankful now to have been raised in a "country" type atmosphere, one where 'the simple things' really do count, though at the time you're thinking you're bored to tears in nowhereville, USA. While I was in elementary level, I went to private Catholic school on the insistance of my parents. I hated it the entire time, I always just wanted to be "normal." My 4th grade year, I finally convinced them that if I became actively involved in the Church extracurricularly, I could go to public schools. Like I said, I never had problems making friends, so I was ultimately very happy with the change, but because my mother was so strict, I could never do the normal things little girls got to do, like go to sleep overs, join Girl-Scouts, or anything like that, my mother always lived in fear I would get molested or kidnapped, she always made decisions based on worst case scenarios. As a result, I had a very dichotomous life. At school I could be an all-American kid, but when I got home, my life was filled with chores most American would compare more to child-labor, Spanish-soap operas I was forced to watch with my mother, while other kids were enjoying Saved by the Bell, or Nickelodeon, and most importantly, be trained to one day become the perfect housewife. I always knew I'd never grow up to be what my parents wanted. In 6th grade, I met the love of my life. He was the most beautiful thing my young eyes had ever laid sight on, and became the center of my universe. We were both from families whose parents tended to care less about our developmental needs (like caring, nuturing, quality time together) and more about meeting our physical needs, making sure "we never did without." We found refuge in each other and created a bond that would last forever. We were best friends all through middle school, though we both had mad crushes on each other (but were too influenced by our peers to ever admit it) and eventually in high school we began to date. I joined the high school debate team my Sophmore year of high school, and besides him, this too would be my escape. I was quite good at debate and my senior year even qualified and competed in the nationals (though I didn't win). I graduated in the top of my class, college bound, I thought I had finally done something to meet the approval of my parents. I was greatly disappointed, my parents didn't really care. But life didn't matter, I had him, and the world revolved around us...
This was a short synopsis of my background. I will go into much more detail as time comes and it becomes relevant to my various blog entries.
I will stop here, because my "College Chapters" are soon to come and I'd like to address them more in detail by subjects and experiences. I will also elaborate much more on my upbringing, as it all becomes vital to events in my life both past and present.
Hope to write soon, keep following.
